A Divorce Part #2
#. 3 Transformation of an Apartment/My house - Into Our Families Home - I hated, the house, where I was living, but Christ revealed to me the importance of the home compared too just a place to live. I lived in another city because this apartment was the only place I could afford and would accept a man with three children. The apartment was a dump. For example, my three children would sleep in the one 6' x 12' bedroom. I would sleep in the hall between the bedroom and the bathroom. Often the other renters would have parties at night. Also, the police brought home and visited a drunken neighbor to his apartment. We could hear him yelling to let him go back to the bar.
I focused on the entire negative around the apartment. I hated the apartment, but it was all I had. When I first moved, I never stayed home except to sleep. But I soon discovered I needed to find a reason to stay home, I noticed my children needed me and a home. They were following my lead, they hated the apartment too, and so it was time to change our focus. We needed to focus on the truthful issues in the situation. I could not afford to change where we were located. We had to accept and deal with this place.
I had to quit running away and deal with my pain of living alone. My family and I started to look around the surrounding vicinity. We then noticed not only one lake but also two, one across the street out the front door and one connected to our apartment’s property out the back door. In addition, the downtown was only a block away and music was played on Wednesday nights. The town's people were friendly too us. I felt like my family was coming together and this apartment was becoming a home. We grew in faith as we spent more time together. I discovered and became involved in the adult Bible study. I helped the children memorize their verses for A.W.A.N.A. For instance on the half hour drive home to their mom's, we would pray and share about what each verse meant, and how to live better as a family.
However, problems arose, the children complained about going to church. They would tell me that they did not have to go at their mom's. I told them we go to church to learn about Jesus and to be with our friends. They then liked going to church as my daughters took on part in a play. My son and I went for a walk. I explained about the effects of drugs during the walk. He told me he did not need drugs because he had Jesus. In the summer, we made Wednesday our "family night." After supper we would go to the ice cream or the candy store for dessert. Then we would walk around the lake. On our walk around the block we would go to the park. In the summer we would go swimming. In the evening, different genres of music were played, from polkas to waltzes were played. My kid's referred to the Wednesday's night weekly musicals as "Wiggle your butt night."
#. 4 Living within My Limited Finances - Money was very tight as a divorced individual. I could barely afford the rent and the van payment. In addition, had never run the finances before so even buying food was tough, I refused to make my children suffer. I was living on no spending money, in fact, for a deposit on the apartment I had to sell a U.S. Bond my grandfather. The time came to look realistically at what I could do. I prayed to the Lord. Help! As I continued to pray, my outlook began to change. A way was revealed to help me with the feeding of my family. I worked at a grocery store as an assistant dairy and frozen food manager. Department managers were allowed to accept free samples from sales people. I asked my manager if I could have an occasional sample. He gladly shared. I received pizzas, T.V. dinners, and anything else a grocery store sold. One night while baking a pizza and jumped rope with the children. Suddenly, smoke bellowed out the front door, so I ran into the house it was filled with smoke. Our supper was destroyed. I laid the charred pizza on the table. I then realized all hope might not be lost. The pizza was a new "Double Top." I took a hold of the burnt top portion of the pizza and it peeled like a banana. The second layer was still edible. I learned that the solution to a diversity of my problems were not always limited to my past behavior experiences.
Another lesson, the pastor was preaching about tithing. At the men's breakfast he talked about the responsibility to give ten percent but also revealed that it was not meant for everyone. I needed to give something. I gave my time and helped to sweep the floor and set up chairs. I talked to others about my financial situation. A friend helped me set up a budget. I sold the van and bought a car that I could afford. I was paying my bills. Finally the house my ex-wife and I owned was sold. I chose to give financially now to the church. Also, because of an agreement with my psychologist and the Lord’s provision of very good insurance my counseling bills were all paid. Finally, I decided to move and buy a house because our previous house sold. I continued looking for a house to afford. With the money from the sale and the amount I could pay monthly it was hard to find a house. I looked to God and prayed God was always faithful to me. I told my parents about the situation. My parents agreed to give me an advance on my inheritance to help me. This gift opened my options and I looked and found a home I could afford.
#. 5 Trusting Others while Dealing
with My Fears - I knew only a few people, the pastors and church leaders. I felt accepted but
like an odd ball. It was time to grow again; I attended this larger church
because it had a support group. I did not fit in because I was aggressive and
I scared people away. My counselor revealed my reactions to others to me and
he helped me to put into perspective. The main cause of my fear was that in
the past. Part of my aggression was that I wanted and enjoyed people
but I could not relax and be myself. At first, I took responsibility and
learned and forced it; later I released my real self slowly. Also, I began to
trust in a few leaders. I began to get involved in the Bible studies. I
started to get involved and I would make a comment and wait for other
people's reaction. I was hoping others would not laugh. I became active in
helping the leaders giving answers and asking questions. I began to lead a
study and helped others to get involved. The control, which I had previously
used to protect me with my actions, was refocused. This time it helped me to
defeat some of my fears little by little. I also needed to make friends
outside of this church. I chose to start at work.
I felt like I
was being alienated from them like they were plotting to get rid of me. I discovered that the division was created by my actions, to
protect myself. I learned how to get past my fears and misconceptions that everyone
was against me. During the next two years, I began to share my faith with
others, modeling and telling how Christ set me free. He changed my lifestyle
as He revealed and I followed. A scenario for instance, other workers always
laughed at a man in the meat department. He went out with these workers to a
bar then they ridiculed him all the rest of the day at work. I shared many
conversations with him integrating the gospel. Another Christian was talking
to him too. He eventually accepted Christ.
In Conclusion, my life style changed when I chose to reassemble it by
allowing Christ to be at the center of my life. I chose to revolve my life
around His will instead of my own notions. I set priorities my life
according to truth. I was set free to choose. I learned from those choices. My
relationship with Christ was defined as I strove - ever transforming into His
likeness (Col. 1:10 and I: 28-29). Prayer is the catalyst, which opened
my eyes to look for and receive His answers which ever increased my faith in
Him. As I lived my life honestly confronting each issue in my life (II Cur.
10:5). I now take responsibility for my choices. With Christ in the center of
my life, I was freer to admit my faults, submit to authority, and in the
process continue to seek life by faith.